Perspective

I spent a good part of this weekend, when I wasn’t checking my email, thinking about what someone else thought about me. Shallow right? Pointless right? Staring at a computer screen wondering, in a most futile way, if I would get a response. What kind of response, if any, would I get.

What would it take to make me happy, or at least not sad.

A response, an acknowledgement.

Then I went to school.

She was a junior. Fairly bright. An older sister to a freshman brother. Her parents came to this country from Korea to give their children educational opportunity. It’s the American dream. To be pressured to do well in school. To translate for your parents because they don’t know English. To pay the bills and run the household at 16. And to help run the family business.

They found her, no note, no explanation. A lifetime without a response.

Makes getting an email seem really really stupid.

Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. Psalm 37:5

More Pictures

Posted some pictures on my photo blog http://www.debraspictures.blogspot.com/

Pictures

New pictures posted of Hailey's swim meet and Dylan's Baptism....well, lunch after the baptism and pics of Tyler as well!

Enjoy.

Election Day

The citizen who criticizes his country is paying it an implied tribute.

I've always loved that quotation from J. William Fulbright. It's the truth that is this great country. It's cool to have an opinion, it's an amazing freedom to get to vote. My very liberal friend drove me to school this morning. See, we cross party lines. It's human to want it to go your way. I don't think it's going to turn out the way I thought it would or the way I necessarily voted, but I'm not going to get crazy about it. I know that God has his hand in everything. Everything. Sometimes I get impatient with his timing (hello...single and 30) but not his plan. I feel that this election is already decided and it's up to me to keep my attitude and mouth in check. It's going to be interesting.

1, 2, 3....

1. I can't believe I missed Erin's party. The more I drove the more I felt bad, but I kept telling myself to suck it up. By the time I got there I was super dizzy but thought it would go away, and it didn't. I drove home crying, threw up, and took a bath. Got out, was running 102 and went to sleep. Got up the next morning went to the doctor and found out I didn't have a sinus infection but strep, bronchitis and an ear infection in both ears. I am still so mad at myself for not catching it earlier. I can't believe I missed Erin doing the Hokey Pokey on stage. ARG!!

2. Run, don't walk, and go buy the book, The Shack by William Paul Young. It was on sale at Wal-Mart and I bought it when I was waiting on my prescriptions to be filled. I read all 250 pages on Sunday. It's an easy read, even though it makes you think!

3. I'm excited! I just ordered my new cell phone...note to self, can not eat out or spend money on anything else...it's the G1 with T-Mobile. It looks pretty cool. It's no iphone, but I didn't want to change carriers.

Grateful

Grateful.

You won't find me saying it very often, little on in print, but when I left the apartment that night, I was grateful that I'm not married.

Now--not for some weird dirty reason, get your minds out of the gutter, but for friendship's sake. These boys, along with the brothers that weren't there, are like my little brothers.

Don't get me wrong. My debate kids are also special to me, but I don't see them that often anymore. I'm proud of them and can't wait to see what good things come their ways.

The Netsch boys (the two on the right, plus 2 more in Dallas) and the Land boys (the one on the left plus another one in ohio) are bonus brothers. They make me laugh, they make me cry. They make me almost shoot tea out of my nose. They are the reason I drove 4 hours to eat dinner. They are such a big part of my heart and I am grateful to have them in my life, even if it is just for short periods of time. I don't think they realize how important their calls are, or how much I look forward to seeing how their lives are going.

After dinner that night I headed back to my hotel...thank God I booked one after seeing what that apartment looked like...and thought I was going to cry. It happens sometimes. I just get emotional. Maybe it was driving on I-35. All I could think about is that if I had been married when I lived in Dallas I never would have had the relationship that I have with them. I probably wouldn't have gone to all of their games and met their families. I wouldn't miss them now. That feeling of missing them is pretty special too. They give me crap, constantly. And in that junior high make fun of you way, I know they love me too.

Thank you, you little pains in the butt for loving me back and telling me so in your own special ways. See you soon.

Dear Christian Dior Lady

Dear Christian Dior Lady,

I wish my job was to walk around Dillards asking the homely girls in t-shirts and jeans who are simply looking at the clearance for something to wear to a rehearsal dinner and bachelorette party if they want a makeover. Thanks for verbally noticing that I don't wear make up and telling me it would help.

Do you have to be beautiful to work there. Because you were. Physically perfect with super cute shoes.

Thank you also for pointing out how good you are at "doing eyebrows." It helped even more when you pointed at the ones on my face proclaiming you could fix that.

Funny, I thought I was wearing a CP t-shirt. I must of been wearing the point out my flaws and obvious insecurities one. My bad.

Maybe I am taking it too personally. Probably am. But it's like those modeling schools that sneak in to our college fair and then try to give the "pretty girls" notecards. Well, it's the opposite really.

Stay behind your counter.

Please.

Sincerely,

Bushy Eyebrow Girl, Who Obviously Needs Your Help

Cloudy

So that's not the best picture ever, but it's a cropped pic of the sunset clouds the night before ole Ike rolled in.

My brain's been a little cloudy lately. October sucks. Don't get me wrong, I get to have alot of fun this month with Erin's showers and Brandy moving two buildings away. But school is going to suck. Between "education go get it" week and applications, TACRAO weeks in the middle of the month equalling 25 schools visiting in 9 days YIKES!!

On a clearer note, I am doing a bible study at church on Sunday nights that seems like it's going to be good. We shall see.

Hopefully I will be able to focus and get more done at work and at home and in my heart.

Take A Hike Ike

I wouldn't be a good Houstonite if I didn't take the time toblog about Ike. My favorite picture of the storm has been a store that boarded up it's windows and one of the pieces of the plywood has a comment along the lines of leave us alone Ike, we aren't Tina. A reference to Ike and Tina Turner, who I belive was beat within an inch or so of her life by her husband here in Houston.

Anywho. My sister was on call this weekend so she is at Texas Children's/St. Lukes and hunkered down. My brother in law and nieces are here in my apartment. It's pretty funny. Sarah is like Dawn. She want's to go outside, she doesn't care about the wind, and she's looking forward to the pine tree in front of my balcony to snap. Hailey has all of her stuffed animals and is sitting with me on the couch with a flashlight and asking when the lights were going to go out.

Hopefully we will just get bad rain and not quite as bad wind as what I think we might. I am hoping to get to bed before it really gets horrible.

Hope you are staying safe if you are dealing with this.

Say a little prayer for the 200,000+ already without power.

I have a strange feeling we won't be at school on Monday, because I doubt Caney Creek will be up an running...I know it took a while during Rita.

Untitled

I search for words
That despite my futile efforts
Just don’t come.
Words to explain that you are gone.
Not from my heart, unfortunately.
But from my desires, from my wants.
The thought of you
With her
Again
Is almost a joke.
I like to laugh, but not at myself.
Has the desire for being needed
Burdened me?
Yes.
The desire to be wanted by you there.
Yes.
Why? A question, a statement.
A promise.
If you aren’t where I am supposed to be, then
Am I lost?
No.
The 23rd promise tells us that we are guided.
Sheep. We follow.
Cattle are driven.
It’s hard to follow.
To know not where we are being led.
To know that we shouldn’t want, because
We are given what we need when we need.
Follow.
Open heartedly.
Ready for something we couldn’t have imagined.
Burdened by years of trying to be a cattle prod, instead of
Feeling the rod and staff of protection.
Hurt that a friendship is damaged
By desire.
When it could have just been still.
Knowing that what we deserve is
One another’s best tomorrow, not
One another’s yesterdays.
Words, escape my mind and hands,
But not my mouth.
I’m sorry for wanting you, yes.
But never sorry for the love
I gave.
But was not returned.

Thinking Before Speaking

So, I'm not perfect. Please don't think I am. If you are reading this you know me and you know I'm not, no one is. Yesterday on our way back from lunch some of the counselors and I were talking. They've decided that I should have a husband as well, since they know that I would eventually love to get married and have kiddos. It's been funny hearing them give me advice on how to find a husband. It truly is hysterical at some points.

A few days ago I had mentioned that I would really like to marry someone who was church of Christ or Baptist. It's not like I'm telling people no. No one is asking. :o)

Anywho, we were walking back from lunch and another counselor (not the one who,is a minister's wife) said something shocking. Well, I know she didn't mean it in a rude way, but it really bothered me. I mentioned that the only big difference between the two demoninations was the a capella music. I don't think piano music is the difference between going to heaven or not. That's crazy. She proceeded to tell me that my church was stupid because of that, and insinuated that only dating people that believe the same thing I do is risky and I may not get married.

Again, it sounds rude and that's not the exact thing she said, but it was implied. I was speechless. Really. I can find things to say about anything and everything but couldn't find the words. I finally tried to explain why we don't have instrumental music and how it's actually pretty but I gave up. And, if God doesn't send me a husband then I have to deal with that. But, I shouldn't put myself in a dating situation where I date someone who has totally different beliefs that I do. God's supposed to be the center of our lives, single or married...and if two people have really conflicting views I'm not sure how they do it.

So, again, I guess I'm not really upset as much as I was surprised that someone in my profession speaking before thinking it through. I know I have before and now I'm more sorry than ever that I do.

In short...my bad if I have ever done this to you...please forgive me!!

Trees and Wires

When I went to UMHB I thought that people were crazy when they said that God spoke to them. Really. Delusional much? Part of me thought that God really was going to say, "Debra, the answer to number 5 is D." Never happened. I prayed for God to speak to me and never heard a thing.

Flash forward a few years, and it hit me that God speaks through other people, through the decisions we make and those that are made for us. I shouldn't wait around for God to give me the answers that I want, but I should be quiet enough and observant enough to know when he's telling me something.

I love how He does it. He uses a friend's comments about something remind you that He is faithful to your prayers. He uses students who struggle with every thing from their families to their grades and social skills. He uses the idea of a student balanced on a wire a ropes course to make you realize that you need Him. You see, you can't make it around the ropes course without holding onto one another...and trees. Huge live oak and pine trees that are anchors. Huge anchors that don't move, haven't changed in hundreds of years. Trees that you can lean on and they won't budge, no matter how hard you push.

It's been a good week and I have a feeling it will be a good year. I pray that I am open enough to hear the things that He might be saying.

Jeremiah 17:7-8
7 But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.

8 He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.

Happy 4th of July

There's just something about fireworks...they are so cool! Even better when they are free. Next year I will know where to park and what time to get there so I will get better pictures!


Here's to the founding fathers who built this country on God and his promises. May our current leaders be blessed and our future ones be strong in their faith as well.

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Here I Go!

Well, I guess if you blog it it must be true.

This morning I started "training" for the Komen 5K in October. Well, as much as you can train for the non competitive 5k. I haven't registered yet, because I need to check my school calendar and it's well...at school. I am going to do it. Mark my word.

I told myself I was going to do this two years ago, then last year, and well, I've never done it. I want to do it for various reasons. Training for it gives me a goal to work towards. A 5K isn't a half marathon or anything, it's an achievable goal. Erin's wedding is the next month and hopefully I will lose a little more weight/tone up for this wedding. I've had a good friend go through breast cancer and come out a survivor.

I found a website about how to train for a 5K called "from the Couch to the 5K" training regimen. It makes sense. It sucked this morning though. It showed me how out of shape I actually am. You walk for 5 minutes then alternate jogging for 60 seconds and walking for 90 seconds for the next 20 minutes. In one way it's not that bad, in others, that 60 seconds sucks. Really sucks.

Oh well. Wish me luck...I will need it!!

New Pictures

I posted lots of new pictures on my picture blog. The link is on the side.

Check 'em out!!

Answered Prayers

Ok, If you know me, you know I hate my teeth. I mean really hate them. It started in high school with all the braces and surgery and has just gotten progressively worse. My enamel sucks, so they break easily. I hate going to the dentist, my dental insurance blows yadda yadda yadda.

So, I've been having big problems lately with my teeth. Lots of pain, a pretty wicked gum infection that antibiotics are helping and lots of tylenol and advil and such. This last year i dropped my dental insurance and added more money to my flexible medical account with the hope and plan to spend that money on my teeth. Well, after the crap with my stomach and finding out the hard way that a colonoscopy is a pain in the butt (haha) and the pocketbook, that money is gone.


Last Sunday at church I filled out a prayer request and just "let it go." If you know me, you know I'm not good at that either. I keep things that I don't think are important to others bottled up and deal with them eventually. Well, I put in the request for prayer in three areas, comfort for the pain, discernment to find a dentist in the area who will take me, and how to pay for it. Well, the pain hasn't been too bad this week, it's been more than bearable and I've taken less medication this week. Today a deacon at the church called me and said he would make some calls, but there is a dentist in the congregation that will probably see me, evaluate me and give me xrays and the estimate for free. That would be amazing. If all goes well, I may have the money lined up and finally get this all situated. What an amazing blessing.


Trust me, I know God's there. I see his work all the time. Tonight I feel so blessed that the church would take that risk on me, Debra "Crappy Credit" and help me through this. Maybe I'll actually be smiling on the outside in all those wedding pictures of Erin's instead of just keeping the grins in the inside.

More Than Words

Please Mr. Obama, tell me how.

Tonight you claimed you would provide health care. FYI, currently it's there for the employed and unemployed and even illegal immigrants. My question is how are you going to do that.

You want to end a war that McCain will let last "100 years." Let me know about your military service and how you plan on being a commander in chief that until tonight didn't wear a flag pin on your lapel, didn't hold your hand over your heart, and until tonight didn't want God to bless America.

You want to hire a new crop of teachers and pay them well. Trust me. I'm all for that one, but since when does the federal government hire and pay on the local level. If you hire me are you planning on dictating even more so what I can say and the view I can have.

I'm all for helping the environment, lowering taxes, and funding stem cell research. But I wish the democratic party would spend as much time hating abortion as a form of birth control, hating real terrorist threats against our country and changing a generation of non working Americans that are supported by social initiatives that were NEVER intended for use as a life style as you do hating on George Bush personally.

Trust me. I can't handle it when people say he declared war on Iraq...I'm sorry...government in 12th grade you idiots, presidents don't declare war against a country. Bush is the cause of 9-11. Give me a break.

I know he's a phenomenal speaker, he's young, he's got alot of potential. But if my disillusioned set of peers that are impressed by video games and a man who insults as a form persuasion, associates himself for 20+ years with a bigoted, openly racist, America hating, man, and then distances himself a week before he garners the nomination. That's what bothers me the most.

People say that you can't be poor and a republican or middle class and republican. I'm not republican, I'm conservative. Fund stem cell research. Clean our air and our ocean. But don't make me pay more taxes so Joe Schmo that is able to work but won't be able to get health insurance. That's not really right is it?

Whatever. I'm going to bed. This is going to be interesting over the next few months. Vice presidents are going to play a bigger role than ever.

I love that America is a place where we can have an opinion.

He Gives and Takes Away

I've been reading a blog for awhile that a woman named Angela about the loss of her daughter Audrey Caroline. You should check it out if you get the chance http://www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

She wrote recently about meeting another woman in a very similar position and it happens to be a person that Erin and I went to college with. In this post she talks about the line from the song "Blessed be the name of the Lord" when it says He gives and takes away. That's all I can think about today.

Erin's mom Cheryl, who is a super sweet super cool surrogate mom to me and all of Erin's friends, lost her husband of a little over a year today. We don't know why. The doctors have been struggling the past few weeks to get a handle on whatever was making him sick, and this morning his body just couldn't take it anymore. He went into cardiac arrest and the doctors at Memorial Hermann just couldn't bring him back.

I really can't imagine what their family is going through today. Barney's former wife died of cancer about 3.5 years ago. He had three daughters, the youngest of which will graduate high school in about 3 weeks. Both of her parents are gone.

I'm struggling with not being mad with God's plan. I know he doesn't mind. He is the protector and creator and always has a design in mind for our lives. I know his plans for us are to protect us and not to harm us...but really. What is this all for. Cheryl's life was falling into a beautiful place. Those kids of his have already dealt with so much.

He gives and takes away.

Strangely enough it gives me comfort to know that. As I pray for Erin and Cheryl as well as Barney's family I pray especially for his daughters that they may be blessed by Cheryl's presence in their lives. I know she will love them and help raise them now that their father is no longer here. I can't imagine the girls not having Cheryl in their lives after loosing both their mom and their dad.

Erin...thank you for letting me be part of your crazy family. Barney was such an amazing guy who always had a smile on his face and a special love for your mom. It goes without saying that he will be missed. My prayers are with all of you now and always.

Stressed!!

Praise God for Carrot Cake Cupcakes.

The month of May is so bittersweet. I've gotten more comfortable at TWCP and therefore reached out and gotten to know kids. I feel a lot more sentimental about graduation than I have in the past two years...so hopefully I won't be all weepy the day of. I will miss alot of these kiddos and wish them well.

May is so damn busy it's not even funny. Awards night, jeez it's crazy. Graduation isn't that bad. I've collected 6.25 million in verifiable scholarships that the kids have earned this year...stupid TWHS has 7.9. I don't know how. To put it in perspective we have 540 graduates, they have almost 900, so we really do have more money. I still think they inflate their numbers. As a whole, we will have the highest per kid ratio. It's truly amazing. I thought we would have 4 if we were lucky.

I'm a little nuts because of a weird dream about Eric that I had. (see WTF post below) It was totally PG-13, but it still bothers me to have a dream about someone else's husband, even if I've known him since birth...and 16 years longer than she has.

Totally crushing hard at school. Cutie coach...probably doesn't even know my name, but he's a doll. I know he isn't married, but I'm sure he has a girlfriend. Oh well. I am starting to have to avoid him because I'm getting that weird hot ear thing when he's around.

I'll be SOOOO glad when awards night is done next week. I swear it's going to be the end of me. It's a great night for the kids, but it's a lot of undue stress.

I have to move to a portable for the next year...which will suck. But we are getting a new building and I saw the architects drawings of my office....AMAZING!!! I'm going to put up with it only because I won the lottery with that new office...as long as it doesn't change. :o)

I got nominated by the seniors for most influential teacher/administrator. I really wish that they would split that category up. Then maybe I would have a chance. :o) I really think Smith will win, but it was pretty sweet to get nominated. I didn't tell any of the counselors for fear of ridicule. They love me, but I'm sure that one of them would have something smart to say about it. Oh well.

Off to microwave the dinner...and work on awards night. One day I will blog about the date from hell a few weeks back. This would all be better if the cutie coach would notice me...in a good way.

Pictures

Posted some new pictures on my picture blog!

http://www.debraspictures.blogspot.com/

Here's one that I didn't post..but is really cute!!

Dear John Mayer,

My Dearest John,

I've decided to write an open letter to you this morning for two reasons. I need to gripe a litte and air my grivances toward you, and then end on the effervescent note of my unwaivering affection for you.

First the bad news. As lovely as you are, you date the same type of girls. Glamorous (suddenly I hear Fergie), semi to very famous, perfect looking girls. How's that working out for you big boy? What you need is plain. Simple, not as attractive as Jennifer, Jessica or Minka. Homely almost. You apparently have this thing for Texans or those who play Texans on TV. How 'bout a real Texas girl. One who has actually lived here. One who went to college here and works here. What is it about guys who date the same type of girls over and over, or better yet the same girl over and over again. Hmmm think things will change? Optimistic...or just plain stupid. You need a smart girl. Around 30. Sort of curvy. Makes a killer rum cake perhaps.

Secondly. I do adore you. Not because of your fame, but in spite of it. I'm pretty sure had you not gone to Berklee and gotten so famous or had you been from my general area of Texas, we would have hung out. I have this thing for dark headed boys that can carry a tune. Started in junior high with Justin Orlando...and just went south from there. Your writing is amazing, your talent on guitar transcendant. You will surely go down as our generation's Hendrix or Vaughn. Don't be modest my sweet...you are that good. But, it's your knowledge of yourself that appeals to me the most. You seem as though your heart and head are on the same page, sometimes the page of music, and I envy that. I can't seem to get my ducks in a row sometimes.

So...I'm just saying...The Woodlands is a nice area. You would be close to to IAH and could hop planes to wherever. I would keep working. I don't want your money...well maybe a little to pay off my loan.

Take a chance on a real woman, John. Follow your own advice and

Searching all my days just to find you

I'm not sure who I'm looking for

I'll know itWhen I see you

Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom

Staying up all night just to write

A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone

So hurry up and get here

So tired of being alone

So hurry up and get here

Love you bunches,

Your future girlfriend,

Debra

ARGGG!!

Seriously. WTF.

First, I got hired for a summer position with the district that pays three grand for about 7 weeks fo work. I will be on my own schedule in June and done by the 3rd of July. Awesome. My principal also asked me to write and compile curriculm for a new class for next year and is paying me. I have all summer. Not too bad either. Another grand. This is not the WTF.

I guess I had one of those days today. You know what I'm talking about. The kind of days where you question what's wrong with you and the answer is nothing at all. I think it's the whole turning thirty thing. Yep, lets blame it on that. Again, I'm not unhappy. I'm just wishing that certain aspects of my life were a little different. I feel like that's all I talk about and think about, but I don't really have control over that. Maybe it's that lack of control that drives me bonkers. I'm pretty type A about other aspects of my life, so it doesn't shock me that I feel that way.

I have a headache because I came home and slept for three hours, and now I can't sleep. Things are running through my head about two hundred miles an hour. I feel as though I can't get out what I use to. I feel like what's going on with me is pretty trivial and I shouldn't be gripey about it. My life's good. Why complain. My friends have so many other good or bad things going on that I feel like if I call them to talk that would be bothersome. Trust me, I know that it wouldn't because I have great friends, it's just how I feel right now.

Open anonymously addressed thoughts to people I know: be careful and think it through, talk to your wife more, he's a jerk for breaking up with you like that, value yourself more, don't bitch about your life, visit your parents, if you date the same person again and again do you think things will be different, be happy about what God gives you--not unhappy about what he doesn't.

Hell, I don't know. I'm rambling. I'm not mad or sad or really even all that confused. I think that work has been bad for the last two weeks and will be busy from here on out, turning 30 has been a little bittersweet...but all my flirty thirty friends say that it is fabulous, and I just got two jobs for the summer and it's all hitting me at once.

I wish I had some ice cream.
Or some girl scout cookies.

Thanks for making it through this rant.

The New Box

That's right ladies and gentlemen...I am in a new box. Thirty came and went without a hitch...although Sunday (the big day itself) I was a little emotional. I didn't cry or anything, but I did feel a little weepy that morning for some reason.

Friday, Claudia and Elizabeth drove down. We ate in The Woodlands for lunch, I drove them by where I work, they ooohhhed and ahhhed, then we headed to my sisters. It rained the whole time. Sort of sucked to drive in. We ate dinner at La Brisa, which was super yummy then headed back to Dawn's where we did cake, ice cream and presents. Claudia and Elizabeth went in together and bought me a BEAUTIFUL (but I wish they wouldn't have spent so much money) silver necklace and Perritti heart pendant from Tiffany's. That's right. Little blue box. It's beautiful. My sister also bought me a necklace and the Primavera Cross from James Avery. Sooo pretty. They are too nice!

Saturday, Dawn made breakfast and we headed to Kemah. It was really cool...like 50 degrees. We shopped a little, took Elizabeth the the airport then Claudia and I went to the outlet mall in Houston that is brand new...bad idea. It was so crowded you couldn't even get in! So we met Erin and Brandy at Sam's boat for some afternoon chips and salsa and hung out. Claudia and I headed back to my apartment and we rested, then got ready to go to dinner that night. We went to Baker Street Pub. It was great. Erin gave me an awesome gift certificate to itunes and I have already used it!! George strait and Taylor swift and some singles!! YEAH!! Brandi gave me a ticket to see the Putnam County spelling Bee which was showing in Houston. It was amazing. After dinner we headed to starbucks...my treat. Well...Wes (our favorite Barista) actually comped us the drinks. It pays to have friends in high places!

Sunday morning Claudia headed out early and I ate breakfast with mom and dad. They gave me an awesome gift certificate to Kohl's which I have already used part of. Sunday night I went to the play with Brandy. If you ever get a chance to see it...do!

What the Deuce?

If you know me really well, you know I love Family Guy. My favorite expression is Stewie's signature line, "What the Deuce." Apparently I use it so much that my nieces have picked it up, much to my sister and bro-in-law's chagrin. I think it's funny.


Anywho...I had a true, "What the Deuce" moment Tuesday night. A major blast from the past if you will. The phone rang at 8:15 or so and it was Eric Powell. Who is Eric, you might ask. Eric is my mom's best friend's son. I've literally known him since I was born. He just over a year older than me. We spent summers, Christmases and other various parts of our lives together until right before he got married my freshman year of college. First time I watched movie with a boy, first time a guy called me pretty, first time I didn't care that he wasn't the book smart type..Eric. I call his mom aunt and uncle.

So, he got married after getting his then girlfriend pregnant. It's east texas, we do the right thing. Although they live about a mile from my granddad I have managed to not really see him much since the wedding. She totally doesn't like me. It's just weird.

So my mom ran into him a few weeks ago at the grocery store. And he asked mom how I was, she said fine and they chit chatted somemore. He calls me Monday and says he's spent the day tracking me down because he wanted to catch up. We proceed to talk to each other for two hours while he is at work.

It's just weird. I guess because he's married? I don't know. It was really nice to catch up, but also just strange. Made me say, "what the duece"?

Turning 30

Well, with exactly 6 days left in my twenties I’m not sure how to feel. I’m excited to be starting a new chapter in my life. I’ve got a great life. Phenomenal family, amazing friends, great job and the beauty of knowing that I worship an awesome God. That doesn’t mean that I’m not a little apprehensive about turning the big 30. I remember turning 20 and thinking that would be the year that God would give me a husband, I would start planning a wedding and get ready to “start my life.” It’s funny looking back on it now. Good gracious I wasn’t ready for any of that when I was 20. I’ve had to grow up, a lot. I’ve learned how to be by myself and be responsible for myself. Does that mean I’m perfect, no of course not, but at least I can go to the grocery store by myself…that’s right I wouldn’t do that when I was twenty.

I remember worrying about how I was going to go to the movies and go out and eat with my friends on the same allowance I was getting from my parents when I was twenty. Now I’m concerned about money in retirement funds and wanting to purchase a home. Wow. Things have changed. I still have some of the same close friends, and my relationship with my family.

I’ve gone from a college student to a college and career counselor. I’ve gone from co-dependant to independent. I’ve gained so much experience and I can’t wait to see what God has in store for my life.

One thing remains the same through the last ten years. I love shoes...but I'd rather go bare footed any time!

Husband

I came across this list in my Lady in Waiting book from college. When I read this list, it's truly what my heart desired at that time. And what a time it was. Shaun had gotten married, and I had yet to really get mixed up in the whole Jessie thing. I was at a place that if i think now, I was open to the possibility of a man that fulfilled that list, but wasn't ready for one. Now, I think I might be ready, but I don't know?. Gosh boys mix me up. One day this is what I know I need and want, the next day I believe that I would be a horrible wife and mom. Oh well...just wanted to post this list.

Spirit Controlled Christian

17 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. 18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; 19 Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; 20 Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ ~Ephesians 5:17-20

Jesus is Number One in His Life

30 And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. ~Mark 12:30
Broken, Relies Totally on the Lord13 I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me ~ Philipians 4:13

Ministry Minded

1 Let a man so account of us, as of the ministers of Christ, and stewards of the mysteries of God. 2 Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful. ~ 1 Corinthians 4:1-2
Motivator; Man of Visison;

Concerned about Lost Souls

14 How then shall they call on him in whom they have not believed? and how shall they believe in him of whom they have not heard? and how shall they hear without a preacher? 15 And how shall they preach, except they be sent? as it is written, How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things! ~Romans 10:14-15

Sensitive Spririt , in tune with needs of others

2Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. Gal 6:2

Understands the awesome responsibility of a husband to a wife

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body,[a] of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh Eph 5:25-31

Humble enough to be a disciple and disciple others

19 Go therefore[a] and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen Matthew 28:19-20

Man of Prayer

2 Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it with thanksgiving Col 4:2

Family Man

6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it Proverbs 22:6

Baptism

Growing up confused...mom's methodist, dad pentacostal. Going to UMHB confused me more because I saw a lot of politics interrupted within the faith. So I joined the church of christ after a long time of thinking. At the time I think I was searching for something, when all the time, it was truly God's will. One Sunday night the minister talked to us about a passage in James, so I wanted to include these verses because they really are the reason that I was baptized. I got baptised on a Tuesday night, after during an elder's meeting. It was almost 7 years ago...but boy was it awesome.

22But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

Don't just sit and listen to the word; react--do not kid yourself.

23For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:

Because if you just listen and don't react you are fooling yourself

24For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.

A liar looks at himself and just continues

25But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.

If you follow the will and words of God and do not ignor him, you will be blessed.

26If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.

If you claim to be religious and fool your own heart, you aren't truly His

27Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

Do not be of this world, but work with those who can not help themselves, and be of God

It truly was this passage in James that let me know that I should follow the will of God.

Grace

Grace...
I "Stumbled" upon this passaged in 2 Corinthians as I was avoiding work today. The passage is from Paul's 2nd letter to the church at Corinth, verses 7-9.

7And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. 8 Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul was having a hard time and pleaded to Christ to remove his pain...but that's when we are told what we must all remember. HIS GRACE is sufficient for us. HIS STRENGTH is shown and made perfect in our weakness. That's what I struggle with alot as well. I have trouble admitting my weaknesses, from worldly to physically to spiritually.

WOW-- I looked up the word GRACE at Merriam Websters online...and this is the definition--unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. That's so insane. I have never realized how the actual definition of something could have an impact. What I recieve is totally unmerited. I am so BLESSED to have forgiveness over and over and over again. How crazy. I am given that grace so that I might be renewed and set apart. That's right...set apart. I don't think about it often enough that not everyone has a Savior that did this for them.

I thought of these lyrics as well from a Matthew West song "Only Grace" I think they really get the point across.

There is no guilt here There is no shame No pointing fingers There is no blame
What happened yesterday…has disappeared The dirt has washed away And now it's clear
There's only grace There's only love There's only mercy and believing it's enough

Your sins are gone Without a trace And there's nothing left now There's only grace

You're starting over now

Under the sun

You're stepping forward now

A new life has begun

Your new life has begun
An’ there's only grace

There's only love

There's only mercy and believing…it's enough

Your sins are gone

Without a trace

And there's nothing left now

There's only grace…

I think those words are pretty poweful...I pray that I truly start remembering them.

Why I am Church of Christ

Why church of Christ...
First and foremost, I am a child of God. A twenty-eight year old child, but a child none the less. I picked the verse in the title of my blog from my favorite Bible verse, Psalm 94:19. I truly believe that our only true comfort is resting assuredly in the fact that our Lord and Savior has a plan, sometimes beautiful, sometimes not, for our lives.

Does that mean I believe that we don't have free will...absolutely not. I believe that our choices take us down a path that we need to go down. God knows what route we are going to choose before we even take it...we can fight it all we want, but we will end up where he wants us to.I'm a member of the church of Christ--and I love it.

The church often gets called fundamental, degrading to women, or old fashioned, but as a member( who is female and very well educated thank you very much) I have to disagree. Fundamental, by definition means serving as an original or generating source or of or relating to essential structure, function, or facts--doesn't sound to bad to me. We are a New Testament church, which basically means that we believe that the New Testament is our roadmap of life. We "speak where the bible speaks and are silent where the bible is silent" to quote a much used phrase. It just means that we don't use outside sources as a daily reference guide to life. I read devotional books and church history books all the time...that's not the point. But I don't use a book of prayer or any other form of liturgical press that tells me what the bible says, we use the Bible itself. To me, its less confusing that way...and one of the main reasons that I became a member of the body of Christ.

Secondly, I have never felt that the church has degraded me. I feel as though women are highly revered in our church and in Christianity. I will find it a pleasure, and my purpose to be both a Christian wife and mother. I also, however, am a counselor with a Master's degree, a former teacher, a friend, and sister. I have not taught at church, but know many women who do teach classes on Sundays and Wednesdays. I do however believe that 1 Timothy outlines what formal worship should look like, and women should take a secondary role. Old fashioned--A) Why is that bad, and B) What does that mean? Most often I am questioned about the "wives submit to your husbands" thing. This is so taken out of context in Ephesians...what the bible says is: 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.

I look at it like this...its a compromise. Duh.Anyway...off my soapbox...will write more later

Making it Public!

I've had a few blogs before, but I've never made them public. So, I have decided to repost some of my stuff and actually try to write on a regular basis...hope you enjoy! 7 more days till the flirty 30. Or as I like to call it, 29--The Sequel.